<your url here >I m in control of my life

Thursday, November 30, 2006

I dont have this window genuine and i went to download the lastest windows media player which is the 11 version after i download it and wanted to use it then i realized that i cannot use it without a window genuine. Dummy. *Grrrr.... So so so angry... So only left itunes which is not so useful cause i have to add all the songs inside it manually... So mad la. But what can i do now???

Hai yo... That is the effect of 'banyak tangan'. Lol. How how how???

Never mind la. There is always a way for me to solve all my problems as God is always with me. :) Hm.... I am waiting and waiting for my birthday to come. Cause you know what? I want pressie... You guys need to get ready pressie for me. K? Muackzz... Ha ha...

At times i feel like leaving to far far away, at times i feel like staying but i know i have to leave this place for a while in order to let myself see more of this cruel world. Right? .....

Ok la ok la... Dont wanna loso already... Hi hi...

It is just a boring post cause i am now super duper boring and pek chek and sien...

with l0v3, The only tame shark

11:58 AM

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

You guys guess what? Assignment dues on my Birthday. :( Haih, but what to do, still have to do it right? Sien-ness la, maybe someone out there knows how i feel. Been so busy lately, busy in office, busy in college and busy everywhere. So tired la.

Well, days goes by, things goes up and down and all sorts. Re-arrange the desks and arrangement in office. Lots of things are spinning in my mind nowadays. Cannot stop myself from any thinking. Sigh. How?

Ryan will be going to Sibu this coming Friday, sigh.... But he is gonna buy me sweets or pressie again... :) The last trip he went to Sibu he bought me a nice shirt that fit me well. Muackxxx to him. And he bought me candies that cannot be found in Kuching. How nice of him. Yes i love him a lot. =)

Nothing much. Having primary school gathering this saturday will try to take photos. =)

with l0v3, The only tame shark

5:00 PM

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

On the 20/11/06-22/11/06, Rev Mike Connell was in my church, he did not came alone but with his daughter and her lover. For the first two nights i didnt go. I was so tired on the first night cause the youth conference just closed ceremony and i didnt go to class either just rest at home. Then for the second night i have got class. So i went on the third night, I heard my mom said that the holy spirit that night will be stronger than all the other nights. Well, lots of miracles happen, those who used to walked slowly because of pain in their legs or heaps now can dance and jump. Some of them are sick not because of sickness but the devil and demon lived inside them. Because of Rev. Mike they are cured and being delivered. Believe it, God exists. I see it with my own eyes and now i am here to tell you. I aint lying. k?

My life is going through a big changes now. :) Gonna tell you guys when i achieve the dream i am now pursueing. Count down days for it is like 100++ more days to go but time flies. RIght? So be patient and wait for it.

Nothing much more. Just that i think i am having PMS now cause i feel so cranky. Ha ha.

with l0v3, The only tame shark

2:39 PM

Friday, November 24, 2006

Yesterday i broke off emotionally, i cried till like what i also dnt knw. He was did not appear to comfort me. But he was with his friend and others. Am i a burden to you? Well, for your situation now, i think your career is more important than our relationship. I wanted to let you go to have a success in your career but i just cannot. I love you too much. I just dont know what to do.

I wanna leave to KL or some where that is even far. Can i? Shall i?

I am so so tired. Mentally, you treat me coldly and all sorts. You are going to travel for the 22 December till the 3 or 4th January, WTF. How am i going to spend my Christmas? You always ask me to be nice and be considerate but what about me? I am living in pain you know?

Signing off with tears

*update

A nice song that keeps playing in my mind. :)
I wanna dedicate this song to all my friends. I love you.
They are the special someone that had sacrificed for me.

VITAMIN C LYRICS

"Graduation (Friends Forever)"

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And then we got real blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone
We'd get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

[1] - As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

[Repeat 1]

La, la, la, la:
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la:
We will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

[Repeat 1 (3x)]

with l0v3, The only tame shark

9:40 AM

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Remember that i keep mentioning about the youth conference? Ha ha. It's over already. I feel so high and happy. Lol. God speaks to me. Wee. Muackzz.. Didnt manage to take much pictures but we took quite a lot after the closing ceremony and i got them. More pictures will be coming up after next week. Ha ha.

The only guy is Kai Rong, from right to left is Ya ting, Gillian, Joanne and Me. We tried to be normal then stupid. Lol. We were so happy and high.

We were laughing like mad that we need to keep taking the same shot. Lol. THe pink lady is Annie.

Annie and Kai Rong.

Me and Joanne, she is from South Cluster the overall Champion. Lol. She says that her face is so round and she looks like an apple. Lol.

We have got three singaporeans in this pic. But i am lazy to mention all the names and plus i dont know the singaporeans names. Hi hi. Sorry. We appreciate you guys for joining us in the youth conference.

What are they doing? Lol. I have got no idea.

Annie. The superstar. Lol.

North Cluster with Huang Yi Ming. A singer from Malaysia, i think. Hi hi.

Me and Michelle Ling. Hi hi. I forced her to take this photo.

This is Ariel, she was the translator for the Youth COnference. Pastor ZHuang Preach in english and she translates into chinese. She is such a nice girl. I like her. Acutally, wanna take picture with Pastor Zhuang but he left already. So sad. Lol. Well, you know what is the price of taking picture with Ariel she spilled her water on my pants. Lol. Ha ha. Joking. But she really spilled her water on my pants. Lol.

Me and Allan. THat's his fingers.

Ya ting and me.

She is vain. Lol. Ha ha.

Me and Guo Rong. He is big but he dance well, man. Everyone looks up to him. THat's his talent. He is good in make up too.

Me and Justin. Ha ha.

Me and Annie.

SHowing of her Medals. Lol.

Serene, Singaporean and me. Lol.

She is from Sibu. I think she is Zhao Juen. If anyone know, please correct me.

Kelvin, my boyfriend's cousin.

Guo Rong in Singing competition.

Justin in singing competition.

Avin and me. He looks stupid. Lol.

That is pastor George.

I felt so sad the conference end already but i am so tired now. Physically tired. Ha ha. But i have got not time to o o. I wanna go Singapore Youth Conference next year. Wait for me, ya? Lol.

THanks to City Harvest Kuching and Singapore. We had a great time.

with l0v3, The only tame shark

1:19 PM

Friday, November 17, 2006

'Thin' Line
In a new documentary, director Lauren Greenfield explores the “girl culture” around being stick-skinny and its devastating mental and physical effects.
By Bob Condor for MSN Health & Fitness
Find More
Anorexia
Binge Eating
Bulimia
As a self-described cultural observer, Lauren Greenfield doesn’t see any dry land for young girls in the sea of media messages about the ideal female body type. In fact, she says today’s preteen and teenage girls are in the deepest waters yet.
“Everything is so much more focused on the external every year,” Greenfield says. “They see and hear about the ability to transform themselves, to do a total makeover.”
Somewhere along the way, the idea of simply being yourself, liking and loving yourself, can get lost.
“It all makes it hard for girls to figure out who they really are,” she says.
In the HBO documentary film Thin (watch the preview), which debuts Tuesday, Nov. 14, Greenfield examines that struggle for self-identity among four women who are undergoing treatment for eating disorders at Renfrew Center’s Coconut Creek, Fla., location. The documentary is undeniably compelling as it follows the four through the ups, downs and way-downs of being dangerously thin. In a conversation with MSN Health & Fitness, Greenfield talks about her goal of connecting eating disorders and mental health.
MSN Health & Fitness: The public perception about eating disorders tends to lump them into more of a socialization issue rather than medical condition. You have talked about the glamorization factor when it is reported a celebrity is facing a disorder.
Greenfield: Definitely. My hope for this film is that people take eating disorders for the serious mental illnesses and life-threatening conditions that they are. There are devastating physical outcomes.
MSN Health & Fitness: One of the most effective parts of the film is when one of the women facing a disorder brings her own food to Thanksgiving dinner. That shows how the disorder can separate a person, even from loved ones.
Greenfield: It’s so easy for us to think that you can get yourself out of an eating disorder. It’s all around these women. That’s why in the film I kept the footage of one woman’s father coming to visit. He basically was saying, “Please snap out of it.” It is difficult to understand how someone reaches that point [of feeling that consuming any food is eating too much]. It is an instinctual, basic part of life, to feed ourselves and have a meal.
MSN Health & Fitness: Your film holds little back. There are parts that almost hard to watch.
Greenfield: I’m lucky to be working with HBO on this project. I got the support that I didn’t have to pander to someone’s weak stomach. My feeling is if these women are brave enough to show their reality in all of its harshness, then we would keep the camera rolling.
MSN Health & Fitness: The camera follows some deep story lines over a good amount of time.
Greenfield: We worked over six months, up to 10 to 12 to 14 hours a day. But my approach is not to worry about being quiet with the camera, or, say, avoiding using a flash with my photography. It’s all about building relationships. Being there day to day for the emotional journey of these women is a big part of it.
MSN Health & Fitness: You mentioned photography. Your previous work rests squarely in photo exhibits and books reporting through images and words what you have called the “girl culture” in America. This Thin project has an accompanying book. Your Girl Culture book was turned into a traveling museum photo exhibit that has been on tour for four years. How does film work compare to photography for you?
Greenfield: It’s my first time directing a film. The Thin project feels more complete because there are parts of the story that the film tells best. You get deeper into the women’s stories. I made a conscious decision to keep experts out of the film to keep the strong narrative, but the book has couple of essays from people who can speak to how to treat the eating disorders. The photos in the book connect people more tangibly.
MSN Health & Fitness: How did you connect to this work in the first place?
Greenfield: I haven’t had an eating disorder. Yet as teen I was worried about designer jeans, the right clique and I dieted. Part of the reason why I have focused my work on this girl culture in our country is because I grew up in a family where that sort of physical obsessing was not encouraged. My mother was a professor of psychology and my father was a professor of medicine. They were careful to protect me. In fact, my mom told me when I was little that the doctor said I had a higher percentage weight for my height. But she never told me that. Yet I still obsessed about clothes.
MSN Health & Fitness:Thin is that obsessed girl culture taken to a more disturbing level.
Greenfield: Yes, it is the offshoot to the most extreme, the most pathological, the most self-destructive. An eating disorder is not about the food, but the emotional illness. It shows how intelligent women go to any lengths to be thin, even risking dying to get there.
Join the Discussions in Message Boards:
"Anorexic Who Needs Help"
"It Felt So Good After Throwing Up"
"What Do You Do When You're Accused of Having an Eating Disorder?"
Nutrition Message Board
Mental Health Message Board
Read More About Eating Disorders on MSN Health & Fitness:
Eating Disorders at Midlife
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for Eating Disorders
Anorexia Treatment: When Less Is More
Bob Condor is the managing editor of MSN Health & Fitness.

I think this is all for today. Well, girls out there see what is the side effect when you do too much on diet?

with l0v3, The only tame shark

9:07 AM

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Counting down for the youth conference is only one day. And i still dont know the schedule until this morning when i go through it and i keep asking you guys to go without knowing the time. Lol.

Here it is.

(Friday) 19 November 2006 - 5.00pm- 6.00pm Dinner
- 7.00pm-10.30pm Session 1
(Saturday) 20 November 2006 - 10.00 am - 12.30pm Session 2, Dancing Final
- 1.30pm - 3.30pm Word Power (Final)
- 3.30pm-4.30pm Singing Competition First Round Final
- 6.00pm-7.00pm Dinner
-7.oopm-10.00pm Session 3, Singing Competition Final
(Sunday) 21November 2006 - 9.00am - 11.00am Sunday Service
- 7.00pm - 10.00pm Session 4

Well, see all the activities? Haha. It is name as youth conference but the elderly will also be there i think. Ha ha. All the best to everyone.

Muackz to everyone and pray that i got the prize for my testimony challenge.

Ta ta.

with l0v3, The only tame shark

11:30 AM

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Love is a feeling. I love you, means that i have nice feel on you. Sometimes, love makes people happy. Sometimes it is the other way round too. A lot of people tell me in love there is no right nor wrong. So is it true? Sometimes when we are too in love with someone or we are too use to someone we will sacrifice too much for them. That will cause people to think that we are stupid. But how can we control the feeling we have for someone?

I dont think that there is a standard way to love, everyone has got there way to love there love ones. Some of the lover might be a little bit dumb and slow. Some might be too romantice and make you feel numb of the love or might not other things around that are around you. Love is just so great and mysterious.

Well, sometimes, we shall give ourselves limit. That means stop loving the one you love or choose to leave the one you love when the one you love has done something so wrong to you. For example, sleep with other girls, betray you, or forge your signature for some money, or get you into big trouble. Ya i know you might love him or her so much but does the one you love think for you? If the one you love really does love you, he or she wont do something like that to get you into troubles. It is just simple, if you love someone are you willing to hurt him or her? If the one that you love done something wrong to you once. Give him or her a second chance if him or her doesnt change then you shall just leave the relationship and goes on with your life. Show him or her that you can live without him or her. If the one you love has done something so faulty to you then leave him or her even you still love him or her. It is because the one whom you love no longer love you anymore. Maybe he or she used to love you to bits and done all his or her best, but now the one you love is putting you into big trouble.

The conclusion is that if you love someone and he or she doesnt love you anymore then leave. Dont stay, staying will only brings you into trouble. Well, this is only what i think. Leave comments of what you guys think. K? I really wants feed back on this.

with l0v3, The only tame shark

12:10 PM

Monday, November 13, 2006

Somemore updates of the night. The birthday boy with his cake, his mom and his cousin. Well, wish him. Happy Happy Birthday. And hopes that he can be a good good boy in the future. He has to be tough.

Good night. *Updated at 8.54pm

Congratulation to my blog this is the 101 posts feel so unbelievable about it. I started blogging two years ago but stop for a while as my privacy was intruded so here i come once again without fearing my privacy being intruded again. I am blogging about my life, my love, my venting so i am blogging about how i feel, what i like, what i dislike, what i am happy aboout and what i am not. Well, it is mostly about my life and my thoughts so if you dont like it then dont see it lo. I am not going to force you. LOl. Not going to push your head to the monitor or screen of your computer. Lol. Enjoy my blog, if you can but spare me if i vent. Lol.

Firstly, Happy Birthday to Anson Yeo. He is now 4 years old. Hope that he can be more good boy. Muackss... Love him and Darren. Lol.

Recently a lot of things happen, i mean inside my own little word, that is why i blog the last 2 post with the title of Me 2 and Me. A lot of changes in my life that i dont want to accept. I still dont want to accept the fact that i am old already but i always tell my self that i am 17 and almost 18 but i have to be so independent and do all the things myself. Am i forcing my self to grow and missing the teenagers kind of life? Well, i also dont know. Sometimes people praise me for my independence but deep down in my heart, i want to ask them:"do you know what i have lost of being mature and independent?" But i never ask and just smile at them. Too many question marks in my heart. There are a lot things that i dont understand and am forcing myself to grow up and be mature.

This morning me and Tyna chatted a few things about guys. About perfect guys. As i am a christian, to me, there is no one ~~perfect~~ in this world. I love my boy friend a lot as he is very independent. Ha ha. I love guys that are independent *ehem, am i hinting? Ha ha. Nope, just FYI. Lol.

Now here is my bf's hand in recovery, so yuck la.. He tried to touch me with it but yuckss... Not letting him to do so. Ha ha.

I love my boy friend. Lol.

Well, there is a big rock in my surrounding, not in my life in others life but it is now solve. Because he has gone some where else and now there is a bunch of rubbish left behind for the his parents and his wife to settle it. Sad right? What kind of man is that? As that is happening a lot of people gave me advice like widden your eyes when you choose your man.

with l0v3, The only tame shark

2:15 PM

Sunday, November 12, 2006

For the last post i posted about me remember. about how uncertain my mind is. Now i wanna post about somehting similar again. Well, yesterday night i realize that i hate, love, respect and afraid of someone in the same time too. I also dont know what am i thinking and what do i want but that is just me what can i do? The person i had this feeling for is not my boyfriend but some one who had been with me for a long time. Longer than anyone in this world. Let's give her a name, C. C is the one who has brought me all the way up and do almost all the things for me. I know that she love me, but she love me too much and makes me feel that she is so selfish and only want herself to get what she wants and too over confident that i am the one she is going to rely on and i am going to accompany her forever. Well, sometimes i think that a teenager is just like a little ball. The tighter you hold it the more it rebounce. Will i become like that one day, am i going to be the kind of kid she totally hate to show her what i want. Well, what i want is very easy. It is freedom. Freedom to do things i like. I just dont understand her thinking and she does not understand mine too. For now, i hate her and dont feel like seeing her.

I took all the above picture at the produa service centre yesterday when i accompany my mom to service the car. I was too boring watiting so i went into the toilet and pose. Lol.

Wondering where all this nice pictures are from and why i post them. Can anyone tell me that is there really a forever for a relationship? Well, i am hoping to see mine to be forever. I am having lots of obstacle to go through in my current relationship. Although we have pass a lot but i think there is still lots more to go. I am going to proove to everyone that there is forever even there is obstacle. Hope you guys love the pictures too. Is forever and true love like the above?

Finishing the post with a wondering state of thinking.

with l0v3, The only tame shark

12:33 PM