Thursday, June 29, 2006

Hm. I didnt blog yesterday. Cause i was damn busy. Busy in office. Not assignment. Now tell you guys some big secret. My assignment will due on 14 July but i only finished a bit only. Hiaks. God please give me wisdom, they come from you. I love you, God. Muackxxx. Well. I received a touching mail yesterday. Will try to post it here later. Hiaks. Hm. Now, let me see what have i done these few days? Ok. Didnt meet up with dear on tuesday i think. Met with him yesterday, went shopping with him. Was planning to go home cell after class last night but nah... It was too late. So mua ma ma says: "No my dear, it's too late and the road to your friends house is dark." :( Ps.. My friend's house is so huge. Ha ha. (But i still like my customer's house more.) So, i went home bath and sleep lo. Was too tired. Brr... Till this morning.

with l0v3, The only tame shark

10:16 AM

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Sitting on the tree branch without a word,
thinking of the pasts,
feel that the future is blind,
is emprty.

I only see black and white in my world,
nothing else anymore,
where is my rainbow?
Why did the sky swallowed the rain bow that i always see when i was young?
I want it back.
I need it.

I am cried everyday,
just like the burst underground pipe,
what did i cried for? i aint know,
My heart bleeding.
It is crying too.
i can feel the pain when the tears in my heart flow through the wound on my heart.

The pain in my heart has beaten all the pain on my body.
A person only can feels this kind of pain when they are dissapointed,
sad,
mad.

Dissapointment leads a person goes silence,
and leave quietly.

with l0v3, The only tame shark

9:31 AM

Monday, June 26, 2006

Ok. This morning, you message me and greet me good morning then after like half an hour i replied cause i was so tired. Did i ever complain with you? No. And you told me you would reply later. I wait, i wait for such a long time with no reply from you. I sent so many messages cause i care. Then there is no reply from you so i called you but you said something which isnt so nice to me. I was in office and annie could not talk to me nicely too. I now that i am now weak. My heart is throbbing with pain. I need some comfort whom shall i go to? My tears start dripping without my knowledge. My life is tough too. Anyone knows that? Suicide? I could not goes to heaven. I dont want. I want to live better after i die. I hate myself now. I hate myself. I hate myself for not being love, not being care. No one cares how i feel. I want a hug whom shall i goes to now. Sad. So so so sad. God Please Hug Me.

God Please help me. Feel so helpless now.

I am now in a sad situation.

That's the second stupid scar that he cost. The first scar he cost will never heal no matter what he do anymore. That's eternal. I am hurt. How many times i can take it? I told myself that i shall leave after 5 times? Max? Dont know la. Sigh.

Now in the office suffering from sleepiness, he is at home resting. We are now smsing but he still get to lay down and rest. RIght? I know yesterday he made some effort to help his dad carry the aquarium while he was sleeping at home. I am also having sleepless night everynight but i never escape from work. He seems so irresponsible. Dont know la. Maybe sometimes i just cannot see that i also got mistakes and keep looking at people's mistakes only.

I am lost.

Can some one tell me whether i am annoying to them???

with l0v3, The only tame shark

9:04 AM

Hm. Everyone around seems to have problem nowadays. The problem seems to become worst and worst day by day. Huh? God Please listen to my prayer and help us out. I know that yesterday hua jin ko did mention about the satan thing. I know that hua jin ko did mentioned about satan would get jealous and do more bad deeds on us. BUt god i really cannot take it anymore. I feel like hiding. Feel like crying. Soemtimes i dont know what i am doing. I wanna be happy. I know that i am now better than before but i still cannot really feel the meaning of love from this world. I am tired. lazy to blog now.

Ta ta. Night.

with l0v3, The only tame shark

12:38 AM

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Ok. I just finish my breakfast. And i just had a lonely breakfast. No one have breaky with me. So sad. Alone. I was having breakfast alone. Facing only the computer and my kim's blog. Sad. In a sad sad situationn now...

Hm. Last night, my lecturer was talking about i dont know what. Then a friend of mine said that he dont like woman being better than him in courier and my lecturer agrees. Cause they said that that's what the asians accept. Well, this really makes me think how many man in asia can accept the fact that the wife is better than the husband? Ok. Wanna know the truth? I wanna be better than the man. Ha ha. See first la. If i can really marry off to a husband who can really rely on then i think i will probably be a pig and sleep at home everyday. Ha ha. Just imagining. k?
P/S: forgot to upload it.

with l0v3, The only tame shark

9:16 AM

Friday, June 23, 2006

Ok. My title is hollow trunk not hollow man. K? Hi hi. Think i am crazy? Cause i posts twice a day? Or more than twice? Nope. I am not crazy. I am only feeling the warmth to blog like before again where i used to blog in my msn spaces. My msn spaces is already 2 year old la. Believe it? Kim was the one who teach me to blog and uploads photo and everything. Wonder whether she stil blog nowadays? Gonna check out her blog later. Saw her this few days at her grand ma house but only for a while. Kim, if you are reading this i wanna tell you i miss you so...... much. Hi hi. Although now i have got a boy already but i will not forgot about you. Miss the times we spent together without sleeping man. Muackz.. Nowadays, what i feel and gone through is just not like when we were young. It's tough. But i am going to face it even tougher.

Now, below is something i wanna express.

I live,
I live like a normal human does,
instead of filling happy,
I felt empty.
I am just like a hollow tree trunk.

It's empty inside,
There's nothing inside,
No feelings,
No hungers,
There is only one thing left inside a sadness.

Just like a hollow tree trunk,
being watered by the owner,
but the owner never knows that the tree is dying.

Until the day,
when all my leaves turn yellow,
when all my leaves fall,
at that time,
almost nothing can be done.

I dont wanna be like a tree trunk,
that's why i blog every single thing here like how i blog before.
Now i know how a plant feel.



I am sorry for all those grammatical and vocab error. I am not an expert in english. Ok?

Muackz.

God Bless

with l0v3, The only tame shark

4:50 PM

Thank God. My as i said in my previous post we lost contact with my uncle who went to indonesia to work. Last night, we got his news already. Thank God, for hearing our prayer. I gonna message him later. Well, yesterday night anson was so cranky so my mom decided to pray for him. And i think my uncle was mad cause he was anti-christ. Hm. Never mind, one day he sure will follow us to church. Now in this post i can tell you God Loves Me. Muacks. Well, the day just started and anson's got red eyee a few days ago and it's stil there now. Annie wanted to bring him to the specialist but there are a lot of people waiting. And now she is gonna bring anson home to bath first then go back to the clinic and have a look whether it's still a long queue. If it is still a long queue she is gonna come back and fetch me and deliver stock first.

Well, there is an urge in my mind to leave. But i think that leaving now would be mean. I dont know what to do. My mind is in a wondering stat. Tell you guys what is it about when i am ready. Got to go for now. Will update later when i have got time. Bye. (morning post)

with l0v3, The only tame shark

9:26 AM

Thursday, June 22, 2006

HM. I AM NOT IN LONDON RIGHT? WHY AM I SAYING THAT THE LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING DOWN. NOW, I AM FEELING LIKE MY EMOTIONS ARE GONE. I DONT KNOW WHAT IS HAPPINESS ANYMORE. I AM ALREADY DEAD EMOTIONALLY. WHERE HAVE MY HAPPINESS GONE TO. I DONT KNOW. GOD PLEASE SHOWER ME WITH HAPPINESS ONCE MORE. PLEASE.... WELL. THINGS ISNT GOING WELL FOR ME. I WANNA DO THE FAST PRAYING BUT I DONT REALLY KNOW HOW IT GOES YET HAVE TO ASK MY YOUTH LEADER FIRST. SO GONNA WAIT. MY FAMILY LOST CONTACT WITH MY UNCLE HE WENT TO INDONESIA LAST WEEK. I WANNA GO FIND HIM. SOB... EM. ANYONE KNOWS HOW TO FIND HIM? TELL ME. K? I DONT KNOW HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE ACTUALLY REALLY LOST SOMEONE YOU LOVE IN THE WAY OF DYING. MY FATHER DIED WHEN I WAS 9. MY MOM BROUGHT ME UP. I DONT KNOW HOW DOES LOVE FROM A FATHER FEELS LIKE ANYMORE. SOMETIMES I JUST WISH THAT I WANNA GO VISIT. BUT HOW? DADDY, I LOVE YOU. STILL LOVE YOU. I MISS YOU. I KNOW YOU CANNOT HEAR IT AND IT IS FORBIDDEN FOR CHRISTIAN TO TALK TO THE DEAD BUT I REALLY MISS MY FATHER. FATHER IN HEAVEN SHOW ME MORE OF YOUR FATHERLY LOVE. PLEASE. I GOT LOTS OF WISHES GRANT THEM FOR ME PLEASE.


OK. WANNA KNOW WHAT I THINK I AM NOW? I THINK I AM A SUBMARINE. A BROKEN ONE. IT CANNOT FLOAT ONTO THE SURFACE IT IS UNDER THE SEA. WAITING FOR SOME ONE TO MEND IT FIRST. HM. I WANNA BE LIKE SUPER MARIO. I WANNA GET 1 UP, MY ONE UP IS FOR MY MOOD NOT LIFE. I FEEL LIKE CUTTING. I ACCIDENTLY CUT MYSELF WHEN I WAS PACKING SOMETHING JUST NOW AND I MISSED THE FEELING WHEN I USED TO CUT. IT IS A SIN IN BIBLE IF YOU ABUSE YOUR BODY. SO I AINT GOING TO ABUSE IT PURPOSELY. WHAT IS LOVE? I CANNOT FEEL LOVE AROUND ME NOWADAYS. NOT EVEN GOD'S LOVE. I FELT AS IF I AM A CHILD THAT NOBODY LOVE.

I WANNA BE YOUNG AGAIN. I WANT ALL THE ATTENTION TO ME. I NEED LOVE.
I AM HUNGRY FOR LOVE..
I AM HUNTING LOVE.
I AINT NO TIGER.
HOW TO HUNT?
I DONT HAVE JAWS HOW TO HUNT?
HIAKZ HIAKZ.

GOT TO GO. WANNA GO HOME AND SLEEP ALL MY SADNESS OFF.

THIS IS AN UPDATE:
WELL IT'S NOW ALMOST 3 PM CAME BACK TO OFFICE FOR A WHILE ALREADY. CANNOT SLEEP AT HOME CAUSE MY COUSIN. DONT KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN LA. SHE IS MORE MOODY THAN I AM. I JUST FEEL SAD. FEEL THAT AS IF I AM AN HOLLOW SHELL. CRY? NO. THE TEARS JUST WONT COME OUT. I DONT KNOW WHETHER I HAVE REALLY DIE OFF EMOTIONALLY AS I FEEL LIKE CRYING MAYBE I AM JUST UNHAPPY AND HAVEN'T DIE EMOTIONALLY. I AM TIRED. JUST LET ME NAG ALL MY THOUGHTS HERE. K? I AM STRESS LA. I WANT BANG MY HEAD ON THE WALL TO MAKE MYSELF WAKE UP. I WENT HOME JUST NOW AND FORGOT TO EAT. NOW I FEEL HUNGRY BUT DONT FEEL LIKE EATING. I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN. AM I MENTALLY SICK? I DONT KNOW.

JUST NOW WHEN I WENT TO PICK MY MOM. I WENT TO COLLECT MY PENCIL CASE FROM MY DEAR FIRST THEN WENT TO HOCK LOEE TO BUY SOMETHING THEN WHEN I WAS ON THE WAY TO PICK HER, I DIDNT BUCKLE MY SEAT BELT AS MY MOM OFFICE IS NEAR WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO ARRIVE I WANNA CALL MY MOM, THE MOMENT I DIAL HER NUMBER AND PUT THE PHONE NEAR MY EAR. I SAW THE POLICE CAR. I WAS LIKE SHIT AND THROW THE PHONE ON MY LAP. LUCKILY THE POLICE DIDNT STOP ME. THANK GOD. MUACKZ TO YOU GOD. HIHI. IF NOT HAVE TO RASUAH THE POLICE. HA HA. MY FRIEND HAD RASUAH THE POLICE WITH 5 RINGGIT BEFORE AND NOW MY PURSE ONLY LEFT SOMETHING LIKE 5 I THINK. I THOUGHT I HAVE TO DO THAT TOO. BUT NAH... THE POLICE IS GOOD ENOUGH TO LET ME GO. I THINK MAYBE THE POLICE SEE ME VERY GUAI. LOL. AS IF. BUT I AM A GOOD GIRL BA. RIGHT?

JUST DONT FEEL LIKE WORKING AND KEEP BLOGGING. JUST NOW WENT HOME AND TALK TO UNCLE LIWE FOR A WHILE, MOSTLY WE WERE TALKING ABOUT OUR HEAVENLY FATHER. MY MOM ASKED ME TO GIVE ANNA MY FIRST BIBLE. I AM WILLING TO DO SO CAUSE MAYBE RYAN GONNA BUY ME A NEW ONE. BUT THERE IS A QUESTION IS OUR RELATIONSHIP GOING TO LAST????? THAT IS CURRENTLY MY BIGGEST QUESTION MARK. WE HAVE BEEN SO COLD TO EACH OTHER AND KEEP QUARRELLING. OK. NOW I GOT TO DO SOME ASSIGNMENT.
BYE.
SIGNING OFF AT 3.14PM MIGHT COME BACK AGAIN.

with l0v3, The only tame shark

1:06 PM

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Please god. I want this.

Hi hi.
Muackzz to the one who will buy me this.

with l0v3, The only tame shark

4:39 PM

I am now like a cloud in the sky,
Phiee.....
I aint no where am i flying to,
I got no destination.

I feel like crying,
full of stress, my thoughts are flying,
My heart is throbbing,
Just like there is a knife inside it,
It is bleeding.
It is being soaked in a pool of blood.
It is black in colour.

My mind is floating,
floating in the air hoping someone to save me.
My eyes seeing twirl just like i am a fish in the middle of the ocean.
I feel dizzy,
Not knowing what to do,
Hoping that i can see a doctor and give me an injection to make me stop seeing the twirl spinning.

The twirl seems scarry,
The fish never know when the twirl come and goes
For me i dont know when the disaster would start and end,
Feel so scarry, so helpless.

Sometimes i wanna just faint over and never wake up.
But sometimes i am afraid that i might not know where i am after i faint?
What should i do?
I am living in an unknown situation,
just like the fish in the ocean.






P.S. feels emo these few days

with l0v3, The only tame shark

12:27 PM

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Now. I am asking myself what's wrong with me. I feel like living in an empty shell. Busy till i drop and no one will cares. God, please look at me and give me a great big hug and lots of cash. I need them. Today feel so tired and still busy packing all those stuff. My boss thought i am able to finish all before afternoon but i am dont have energy to do that anymore. Energy, come on, i need you. Didnt meet my baby last night. We used to meet almost every single day and we skipped last night. He's gonna pick me for lunch later. Tee Hee. Lunch with him and Kel. Kel is gonna leave to KL soon. I dont feel like staying in Kuching either except for 2 reason Church and sometimes mom and sometimes baby. Hi hi. Sshhh... Tell no one. Got to go for now. Ta ta.

with l0v3, The only tame shark

10:57 AM

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Hm. Last night my church got talentime show and i was in it. Hm. Let me see what comes first and what next...

Saturday. 17 June 2006
A day to be remember. Was working half day yesterday then came home and slept without eating then at around 2.30 woke up took bath and my mom re heat the fried bee hoon she bought that morning for me. psss... I also ate fried bee hoon for breakfast. Then went to Kuo Rong's house to prepare to the drama on that night. Went there to make-up and all sorts. Lots of funny and stupid thing happen there. Lazy to mention all. His house is so beautiful. Will posts up almost all my friends in the talent time show by our group. After make-up tzer yuan said that he need to goes back to his shop and return the car to his mom and his brother so that they got car to go home. I got no car so i drove Kuo Rong's father's Frontier so scary la. Long time didnt drive such a big car already. Lmao. Before we goes to his shop we dropped tee, tzi yi and kuo jun at the church first. I changed car with tzer yuan. Ha ha. When we were on the way back to kuo rong's house to pick him and hui thing(his sis.) it was raining so heavily then quickly went back to church cause our leader wants us to rehearsel some more. Then wait at church till 7 o'clock after the rehearsel lo. Hm. Dont know how to describe all the events and proccess in details la. Just come to our church if you wanna know more. I am from City Harvest Christian Fellowship. Hi hi. We are link to city harvest in singapore o. I didnt stay there till the whole competition finish cause jenn, jing, hui tze and shirley were waiting for me, my mom and hilda at travilion. Oh ya, Hilda was at my church last night. She went with my mom. And guess what later ryan called up and told me that everything the er bie yi tung participate wins a prize. I was so happy when i received the call then later they came to travilion to look for us but when they came all my friends who were there just left so went to Jalan Song, Sin Wan lo. It was raining so heavily again. So we parked some where near then went for dinner (we only took our dinner at 12 midnight.) hihi. After dinner, i came home directly leaving my boy there. Hiakz hiakz. He still got his cousin there la. Hi hi. Then my boy got mad at me i dont know why.

I took this photo while waiting for Tzer Yuan. I will upload more tonight.
Sunday.

Woke up late. Before i ate and bath. My boy called and ask about the reflexology guy's house. So i quickly took some rice and bath then went there. Hm. Send them there then went to pay money to my friend then to maybank in pending cause kel wants to draw money. I told him that give me 10% but he haven't gave me le. Hi hi. Joking. After that went to ryan's hosue he said he need to bath then went church we got gathering there. I did the offering prayer today and i did well. Thank god. Hm. After that sent kel home and came home with my boy to take dinner. Quarreled with him almost all day long. I didnt went to church that night was staying at home doing my assignment. After my mom came home from church kel came to pick ryan up again. He went to my house at around 8 something to accompany me. Then i gone up and blog then sleep. Didnt finish blogging everything cause i was too sleepy. Hi hi.

Monday.
My day has just started so got nothing to blog. My office's connection is so damn stupid and lousy now. Sigh.

with l0v3, The only tame shark

10:33 PM

Friday, June 16, 2006

Hi. Actually not really my new blog but as my privacy in my past blog was be intruded badly so i change a new one here. Tee hee. I havent really know how to do the blog skin thingy yet. So be tolerate ya? Hi hi.

Current mood: flying high up in the sky

Lov,
baby shark

with l0v3, The only tame shark

3:22 PM

Hi. Actually not really my new blog but as my privacy in my past blog was be intruded badly so i change a new one here. Tee hee. I havent really know how to do the blog skin thingy yet. So be tolerate ya? Hi hi.

Current mood: flying high up in the sky

Lov,
baby shark

with l0v3, The only tame shark

3:22 PM