<your url here >I m in control of my life

Sunday, July 09, 2006

这是我第一次用华语, 如果有错请原谅.

Ok. Above is the first i type chinese in my blog. My title says am i happy? I am still wondering whether am i happy after Pastor Kenneth Wong from West Malaysia prayed for me just now. Yes, he was in my church for 3 nights. I didnt went last night but i went just now. The Holy Spirit was so strong that i never feel that strong of holy spirit before. Firstly, he prayed for those who wants to forgot the past. Then he prayed for those who i wanna be blessed. I went up to him to pray for both things. When he was praying for the forget the past one. I was crying and i cannot control it i even shout so loud(that's what my mom told me.) The second time he prayed for me i hit the floor. Hm. That is the holy spirit working inside me. But just after i came out from the church i called dear when i reach daily joy and you know what? We argue over the matter that i cannot go out late. Sometimes jealousy from him to my friends just make me feel sad and dont know what to do. I know i know that is my past and i shouldnt be thinking about it but i just cannot control. Now i still feel like crying but i cannot mom will suspect something is wrong with me if i cry now. Well, i am plain tired. God show me the path please. I cannot see you again. I am sad.

Hm. I dont know why this few days i am so tired. Annie will be back to Kuching on Monday. Mom will be leaving to KL on Tuesday. And i will only be staying in Kuching eating grass. Hate it. Everyone gets to travel and everyone got their dreams come true but what about me? I want mine too. Does anyone care about my dreams. I am also a human being with full of dreams and hopes in my life right?

What's my past? Wanna know? But dont be shock if i tell. I was once an eating disoder little girl. I once tried to commit suicide. I hate myself. I dont feel love. Wanna know about the eating disoder part. Ha ha. Hm it was when i was in form 4. I was so lost about everything that i went to school to only sleep and eat then make myself vomit. I feel that it is my pleasure to do that. But soon after wards i am awake and found out that it is no good for myself. So i told my mom and she brought me to Doctor. Doctor said that it is not serious yet and gave me some anti-depressant. Now i dont take that anymore. Ok?

I know i am still sad and down but i dont do things to hurt myself anymore. I promise God that i wont hurt myself anymore. I crossed my fingers.

I am now wondering is there anyone who really can read my mind and see what i think? Huh? I am blur and confuse too.

I went to KC's house just now. He held a party at his house today. But didnt attent the whole thing cause need to go church. Well, from there i found out something. Kids growing out in government school and private school isnt the same. Well, i dont wanna talk more about it as it is a really sensitive issue. I went to his house only to pass him the gift i gave him and my mom gave him ang pao. REad properly i left without eating. So i came back to pick my mom to church cause she says go with one car. Only went to eat after church. YOu know what? I ordered a fried bee hoon and it's chao huei da. Sian la. Sad la. Then didnt finish. dear actually da pao penne rigate for me but.... I got not yuen with the food he da pao, we didnt meet i only get to come home called him then i took bath then call him again(cause i promise to) then here i am to scribble down my feelings.

See that's my life. any comments? i know that i blog dont have that service yet. Be patient ya... I will update it soon. Hi hi.

with l0v3, The only tame shark

12:41 AM